This is so going up in my cube when I go back to work:

Okay, not really. I’d like to KEEP my job, you know. But I so wish!

You think I have a bad attitude about going back to work or what?

And after all these years, these are still hella funny to read!

What part of “Leave of Absence” don’t they get? Hello, I’m on maternity leave! You ever heard of it? MAH-TURN-EH-TEE-LEEV. As in me at home with brand new baby (work is the last thing I care about right now). As in not at work, gone for 4 months, don’t bother me at home- go away, leave me alone, lose my phone number! Especially when you’re calling to bug me about something that I thoroughly trained you on before I left. And you know that my overly-organized ass was thorough indeed. There was checklists left, detailed instructions left, there was a matrix of items that needed coverage and follow-up. A freakin’ MATRIX people!

But noooo, apparently all that ball-busting work I did in order to prepare for my leave was a total waste of my time and energy. One of the admins I lead called me a couple of days ago and wants me to help her with scheduling the quarterly Business Update Meetings. I’m usually in charge of coordinating this and it’s so involved that I normally start working on it at least a month in advance. Apparently, she “forgot everything” that I trained her on for the Q2 meetings and well, now Q3 meetings are about to begin and she’s freaking out. So now I get to pull out my work laptop and walk her through it all again. Ugh! The last time I fired up my work computer (about a month ago) I had over 400 emails waiting for me (and it had only been 5 weeks since I last logged on). I’m not looking forward to that again! Most of those 400 emails were from various distribution lists that I’m on (that nobody bothered to take me off of, despite my requests for them to do so before I left), but there were also quite a few emails from people asking me for direction or giving me AR’s to work on. Good lord, don’t people freaking read OOO messages?!

P.S. - “AR” is one of those annoying corporate acronyms for “Action Required”. Which basically means someone is bossing you around and wants you to do something for them. “OOO” is another annoying acronym for “Out of Office”. I’m practicing my corporate jargon for when I go back and become a zombified cubicle monkey again.

P.S.S. - Even though I often (lovingly) refer to the other admins at work as “bitches” (I can’t help but giggle), I really do like (some) of them. I even consider a few of them as “friends”, not just co-workers. And I really do appreciate the fact that I have such a well-paying job. Or a job at all for that matter! I just like to bitch about it all though- and I especially like to bitch about TDWSH (The Devil Wears Sag Harbor - aka: da’ boss lady).