Today was an emotional challenge for sure! I woke up in a horrible mood and just wanted to shut the world out and not deal with any of it. If I could have stayed in bed all day and ignored my responsibilities, I probably would have! I really felt like I wanted to close my eyes and not exist, as bad as that sounds. I just felt so sad and overwhelmed by everything. I won’t go into specifics, but I wasn’t the nicest person to deal with this morning when hubby walked in the door (think anger ball). He knew I was in a bad state of mind and helped me a lot before he went to bed. As much as I’d like to have a nervous breakdown right now, I just can’t afford to! Too many people are counting on me. I had to suck it up and drag my sleep-deprived ass out of bed to get working on the mountain o’ dirty dishes, bottles, and sippy cups that were piled up in the sink. When P got in this morning, he was bitching at me about why I can’t keep up with the dishes (as in there should never be a single thing left in the sink). Yeah, he’s a bit of a neat freak too and I usually want the kitchen to be spotless as well, but sometimes it’s just too much to keep up with!

While I was working on the kitchen, hubby helped Q with breakfast and gave him a bath/dressed him. Then Baby G started crying and he had to get him up, change him, and feed him too. All during that time I was still working on the kitchen. It took me like an hour total time. When I was done and about to relieve hubby of feeding G (so he could get to bed), I said to him, “You see how long it took me to do that? Do you realize I never would have been able to clean up the kitchen unless you were here to help me do everything else?!.” He finally acknowledged that the whole morning routine is really a two-person job and that it’s extremely stressful when dealing with toddler tantrums by Q and then G crying in the background. If he’s bitching about having to help out now (while I’m still home on maternity leave), I told him just to wait and see how bad it really gets when I go back to work and I’m really stretched thin. His help will be needed more than ever! He will be the one responsible for getting the boys ready and to daycare in the mornings (all before he goes to bed himself). With the long commute I face every morning, I can’t do it or I’d be late to work all the time.

Anyway, things did get better as the day wore on and my mood changed significantly. You know I absolutely love my Mom to death, she is one of the most important people in my life. She’s my best friend really! And she helps me so much in SO many ways. But she can sometimes really harp on the negative, a trait which she has definitely passed on to me. So when I call her to talk (now on an almost daily basis), we just have a huge gripe fest about everything that sucks about life. With all the negativity in the air, I tend to get really very down (in to my dark place) about things and it’s hard for me to pull myself out of it. Attempts made by The Hubby to “cheer me up” just make me want to bitch-slap him. Seriously, because I feel like he isn’t being serious or mature about the issues we are facing! I feel like he just wants to bury his head in the sand.

I get so sad and angry about all of the stress in my life and then I have to step back and realize that while I feel pretty miserable at times- when it comes to the big picture, I really have nothing to complain about. I mean what is so terrible about my life anyway? We’re really not going through anything different than any other set of stressed out parents (with young children and a brand new home to maintain and not enough time/energy to do it all). None of us are seriously ill, we make good money, we have nice things, we have an extended family who loves and supports us immensely. What is there to bitch about? Of COURSE there is always someone out there who has it better- who has more stuff, has less stress, is thinner, is smarter, makes more money. But there’s also good people who have less than us. So really, I think I just need to put on my big girl pants and deal with it!